Leaderboard

How are jokes scored?

Ever wonder how jokes climb (or tumble) the ranks on JokeClash? It’s all thanks to the ELO system! Here’s how it works, step-by-step:

Every Joke Starts with a Baseline Score. Think of it as the joke’s "funny factor" score—everyone starts on an even playing field.
Two Jokes Enter, One Joke Wins. Every time jokes face off in a battle, the winner gains points, and the loser gives up a few.
Winning Big Means Big Gains. Beat a highly ranked joke? Congrats! Your joke gets a bigger score boost because it’s a tough win. Crush a lower-ranked joke? Still a win, but don’t expect a big payday.
Losing Isn’t the End. If your joke loses to a top-ranked contender, it only loses a few points (hey, at least it tried!). But losing to a low-ranked joke? Ouch! That’ll cost more points.
Rinse and Repeat. Jokes battle, points shift, and the leaderboard updates dynamically. The funniest jokes climb higher, while the rest get a shot at redemption.

In short, the ELO system is like a fairness referee for funny—making sure every joke gets the ranking it deserves!

This is how we will lie to them and - whoops, is this mic on? Oh well.	Rank: 1 Score: 1064 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
I wanna take a 2-week vacation 26 times a year. Add 'em up!	Rank: 2 Score: 1059 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
Uh uh uh, capos, you gotta kiss more than my ring!	Rank: 3 Score: 1053 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
I never met a Big Mac I didn't like.	Rank: 4 Score: 1052 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
Ooo! 3am! Time for my doomscrolling and tweetstorming sessions!	Rank: 5 Score: 1046 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
I'm cranky! Everyone get out of here! Yeah, I know we're in an airplane.	Rank: 6 Score: 1045 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
Yeah, I know I'm very negative. When watching Ghostbusters 2, I was the only one in the theater rooting for the River of Slime.	Rank: 7 Score: 1045 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
With my wife by my side, we will get through this, Right Angela? Angela? Where are you?	Rank: 8 Score: 1030 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
Can't wait for our trip - I want the best New York experience! Now where's the closest Pizza Hut to our hotel?	Rank: 9 Score: 1029 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
I'm not obsessed with penis jokes! Now let's watch some Jimmy Phallus.	Rank: 10 Score: 1027 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
I'm the smartest man alive! Just kidding! Sort of.	Rank: 11 Score: 1026 (gutbusting)	Details Clash! Share
Here are the speakers for Anti-Drug day at our school: Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, and Lance Armstrong!	Rank: 12 Score: 1025 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
You all say I'm not worthy of being with the Devil, but I say I am!	Rank: 13 Score: 1025 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
Wow Brianna, the price of gas has gotten so low! Forget the milk, our cat will drink unleaded from now on!	Rank: 14 Score: 1017 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
Why did I watch the Steve Wilkos Show? Because the Jerry Springer Show was too highbrow for me.	Rank: 15 Score: 1015 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
I'm not a fascist with our kids! Now Johnny, Abby, make sure these toy trains run on time.	Rank: 16 Score: 1015 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
The gas giants are Jupiter, Saturn, ... uh why are you all starting to snicker like Beavis?	Rank: 17 Score: 1015 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
Everybody sucks! Except you guys.	Rank: 18 Score: 1015 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
Sweetie, you want "I'm an Asshole" for my entrance wedding song? I sense a little hostility...	Rank: 19 Score: 1015 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
Trustworthy. Loyal. Helpful. These words do not describe me.	Rank: 20 Score: 1015 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
The Surgeon General said we need to flatten the curve. How fast can we get Ozempic?	Rank: 21 Score: 1014 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
I'm so mean my favorite cheers are from the Bronx!	Rank: 22 Score: 1012 (hilarious)	Details Clash! Share
My Classic Film Meetup's ignoring me just because I said the best part of the film Rocky was the punching.	Rank: 23 Score: 1002 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
Mr. Crow, what on earth possessed you to name your kid James?	Rank: 24 Score: 1001 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
Thanos, Dr. Doom and Thanos are not villains. They are options.	Rank: 25 Score: 1001 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
When the going gets tough, I flip over the Monopoly board.	Rank: 26 Score: 1001 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
My construction company builds the tallest and hardest buildings around! What's this now about Freud?	Rank: 27 Score: 1000 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
We have no time for rational solutions!	Rank: 28 Score: 998 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
I will take two chocolate shakes! I'm carbo-loading for Tough Mudder!	Rank: 29 Score: 998 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
I'm a big fan of your white paper - it really helped me when I ran out of paper for my birdcage.	Rank: 30 Score: 997 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
Apocalypse now, hell yeah! Oh, you meant the movie.	Rank: 31 Score: 993 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
My favorite foods are red herring, sour grapes, carrots on a stick and sugarcoated anything.	Rank: 32 Score: 991 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
TS keeps saying "Haters gonna hate". Keep Palpatine away from her!	Rank: 33 Score: 989 (funny)	Details Clash! Share
I'm getting out of touch with pop culture. I told my Medieval History students "We're gonna party like it's 999" and not even a smile!	Rank: 34 Score: 987 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
So chimps throw their own feces at their keepers? Ridiculous! Too classy.	Rank: 35 Score: 987 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
It must be hard to be a bodybuilder in a fascist country. No freedom of the press!	Rank: 36 Score: 986 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
What do you mean "Happiness is a Warm Gun" is ironic? Next thing you'll say the same about "Back in the USSR"!	Rank: 37 Score: 986 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
Our marriage should not a dinky lifeboat, but a beast like the Titanic!	Rank: 38 Score: 986 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
You've tried all the best, now try the worst!	Rank: 39 Score: 985 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
Henry VIII had more wives than me? Don't be giving me a complex!	Rank: 40 Score: 985 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
Pain. It's what's for dinner. And lunch. And breakfast.	Rank: 41 Score: 984 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
I hate Mondays. And Tuesdays. And Wednesdays...	Rank: 42 Score: 983 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
The only thing we have to fear... is everything!	Rank: 43 Score: 972 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
Back in my day, the Hulk was just green!	Rank: 44 Score: 972 (amusing)	Details Clash! Share
He doesn't like cats so much that he thinks Batman Returns is actually a cautionary tale.	Rank: 45 Score: 971 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
Forget Youtube, I want my own TV channel! Me-NN!	Rank: 46 Score: 971 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
That little green guy who pops up by Flintstone and gives him advice? Best part of the show. Get a 3D printer and make me one!	Rank: 47 Score: 970 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
So the Ministry of Love was actually a torture building? Quick, get me directions to the Department of Destitute!	Rank: 48 Score: 969 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
They may all look me in the eye and see "NME", but all you see is "BFF"!	Rank: 49 Score: 969 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
I'm acting like I'm three you say? You bet, I'm full of energy!	Rank: 50 Score: 959 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
When I was young I had more Manhattan envy than both the wife from King of Queens and the main guy from Saturday Night Fever!	Rank: 51 Score: 958 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
If it's not killing you, you ain't doing it right!	Rank: 52 Score: 957 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
I'm such a sad boss. The luck stops here.	Rank: 53 Score: 956 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
Some of those '80s show themes are creepy: Charles is in charge of your days, nights, wrongs and rights? Yikes!	Rank: 54 Score: 947 (tame)	Details Clash! Share
Am I going to ruin this project with my half-baked ideas? Maybe, but that's just the risk we all gotta take!	Rank: 55 Score: 943 (tame)	Details Clash! Share